24. Billy Joel--The Nylon Curtain

 #24: Billy Joel--The Nylon Curtain (1982)

Top-Notch Tracks: "Allentown" [HJ200 #89], "Pressure" [HJ200 #102], "Surprises," "Scandinavian Skies," "A Room of Our Own"

Album Depth: "Laura," "Goodnight Saigon," "She's Right On Time," "Where's the Orchestra?"

Weak Links: None

Stand-Out Lyrics: "You turn the tap dance into your crusade."--"Pressure"

"So the graduations hang on the wall, but they never really helped us at all."--"Allentown"

"Break all the records. Burn the cassettes. I'd be lying if I told you that I had no regrets."--"Surprises"

"The landing gear came down and touched the Swedish ground. And we were all so paralyzed."--"Scandinavian Skies"

"You've got cash, mama, and I've got checks."--"A Room of Our Own"

"I've done everything I can, what else am I supposed to do? I'm her machine, and she can punch all the keys, she can push any button I was programmed to."--"Laura"

"We had no home front. We had no soft soap. They sent us Playboy. They gave us Bob Hope."--"Goodnight Saigon"

"I've had to wait forever, but better late than never."--"She's Right On Time" 

"Now here you are with your faith and your Peter Pan advice. You have no scars on your face, and you cannot handle pressure."--"Pressure"

"Every child had a pretty good shot to get at least as far as their old man got. But, something happened on the way to that place--they threw an American flag in our face."--"Allentown"

"Now it's apparent. Now it's a fact. So marshal your forces for another attack."--"Surprises"

"We had the Midas touch, until we met the Dutch, and they exhausted our supplies."--"Scandinavian Skies"

"I can still remember pushed together like a can of sardines. Push and shove and that's when love it starts to come apart at the seems."--"A Room of Our Own"

"Here I am, feeling like a f***ing fool. Do I react the way exactly she intends me to?"--"Laura"

"There's the leading man, the movie star who never faced an audience."--"Where's the Orchestra?"

"All your life is Channel 13. Sesame Street. What does it mean?"--"Pressure"

"(I'll tell you what it means....)"--"Pressure"

Billy Joel--The Nylon Curtain

Album cover: 5 out of 10.  On the one hand, the image of the identical houses all in a row certainly sets a tone. But on the other hand, it's not that memorable. If you had asked me to describe the cover to "The Nylon Curtain" before I had looked at it, I might have said, "A bunch of houses?" But, I wouldn't have been able to say much beyond that.

Comments: I was not a very skilled church basketball player. I was slow, I couldn't dribble well, and I wasn't a good shot. My career high for points in a game was 13. The fact that I was a four-year churchball starter says more about the lack of boys older than me in my hometown, and my relative height than it does about my ability to play the game.

But, I could occasionally hold my hands upward in such a way that every once in a while I would block a shot. I remember one game, specifically, where the kids from Inkom kept pulling up directly in front of me and then would attempt to shoot the ball. I had no choice but to raise my hands, show off my 0.537 inch vertical leap, and send the ball back in their direction. 

And it was because of days like this that I humbly altered the lyrics to one of the verses of Billy Joel's "Allentown." I would sing, "Everyone had a pretty good shot, but I made sure that their shot was blocked. 'Cause something happened on their way to that place--they had a basketball slammed back in their face!" 

Almost 40 years later, whenever I hear this song I sing along with my altered lyrics. The real lyrics have no shot.

For my birthday this summer, my wife got me the book Billy Joel: The Definitive Biography by Fred Schruers. I really enjoyed it. (Well, I really enjoyed the first two-thirds of the book, up to the point of River of Dreams. The last third of the book wasn't as entertaining, because there were no stories behind the new songs, just repetitive stories about break-ups, hook-ups, and car/motorcycle accidents, with some occasional cool concert stories mixed in.) 

Billy Joel: The Definitive Biography

Anyway, most of the song origin stories were fascinating, but every once in a while I would learn a behind the scenes tidbit that would be a bit of a downer. Like how "Tomorrow Is Today," one of my favorite songs from the "Cold Spring Harbor" album, was basically a suicide note. Or that the trippy "Scandinavian Skies" was about a bad drug experience while the band was touring Europe.

I was also very surprised to learn that the biting "Laura" isn't about Billy's ex-wife, but is instead a loving tribute to the manipulativeness of his mother. (Well, there is that "How can she hold an umbilical cord for so long?" line, so it shouldn't surprise me at all, you know.)

Some people love "Goodnight Saigon." I think it's okay. I think it's an example of trying too hard to write a specific song, which is something Billy didn't seem to do that often. Plus, it always reminds me of Wade playing the helicopter sound effect on his keyboard, forcing unknown numbers of football game attendees to look to the skies in search of a non-existent whirlybird.

"A Room of Our Own" is very underappreciated, and the back-to-back dramatics of "Surprises" and "Scandinavian Skies," with their slightly ELO-ish sound, have always been personal favorites.

And then there's "Pressure." That song just rocks! And I swear, one of these days I'm going to figure out how to turn the tap dance into MY crusade!

Up next: Gonna make you sweat.